Daily Hankes Mischief

 

(My twin sister & her soon to be husband)

It is the first day of June, and today was one of those "everyone decided they were going to grow up on me" days. And I'm not even exaggerating-- literally both of my children reached another milestone! First and foremost, Ryen graduated kindergarten with flying colors and an excellent report card. I just keep asking myself, "can this really be happening? Is this day really here?" I swear life seems to slip right through my hands sometimes. How on earth have I been a mother for almost 6 years, when I feel like my baby, who is now a first grader, was a chunky little newborn making gaga eyes at me just yesterday? I was able to go to his class this morning, where his baby brother and I watched him receive an award for having the brightest ideas in his class. I watched and listened as his teacher read the children their very last book of the school year, and I'm almost certain it was probably the quietest her group of "kids" had been all year. Almost as if they knew, summer will be fun, but their first teacher will be missed and one to remember! I also got a great idea from a dear, sweet friend of mine to fill up a couple balloons and get ribbon to decorate the backseat of my car with, as a nice fun surprise for Ryen to jump into after finishing his last day.

As for my other wild boy, at two and a half years of life he has finally discovered his legs are long enough to climb out of the crib with. His dad and I thought maybe it was a one time thing, but after putting him down for a nap this afternoon and him following not too far behind me as I left the room on THREE different occasions, I knew it was time. The transition has started for naps so far, because for some reason it only seems to be during daytime nap times, and not at bedtime. After a few attempts, he got the hint and stayed in the big boy bed by himself quietly, and within five minutes, passed out. Hoping tomorrow is just as easy.

My husband and I found this day to be so joyous, mixed with many emotions-- mainly for me because, as much as I enjoy my children growing and learning and becoming such amazing human beings, I just cannot stand how fast time seems to go. And every year I swear it just goes faster. I know how much I am going to miss all of this. I know the days will come all too soon, when I will be saying, "remember when our kids were in kindergarten" and it kind of saddens my soul. I want the time to slow down for just a moment, but because I know it won't, I am learning to live in the moments, hug my kids tighter, stop looking down and look up. Be more present with them, more patient, and love them more and more.

I want to grow old knowing I am the reason they grew into beautiful, sweet souls. I want them to always know that their father and I have more love for them than they will ever, EVER know! I will always pray that my kids remain original, and grow up making the right choices, being eager to learn and grow in the Lord. And that they will never forget how proud we are of them. Here's to another year, more milestones, and much more growing together as a family.

Now if I could only raise my cat up in the right ways, so that he would quit pushing every object off of my kitchen counters, bathroom sink, and bedroom dresser, I think I could have this parenting thing down pat.

This past week, was one for the birds. Kids were wild, husband got sick, and I just had one too many moments of frustration and impatience. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one struggling to feel better about myself as a mother, and a wife. Especially in the moments where I want to pull my hair out more than anything else.

Then I stop and think to myself, I can't be the only one. There's no way I'm the only one with kids who decided to fight more than play nice, on the day daddy gets sick. I can't be the only one who repeats myself more than a broken record player, because every "please do not touch that" or "please stop jumping on the couch" goes in one ear and out the other, only in the matter of a split second. Am I the only one cleaning up spilled cereal all over the floor at 7am because it was "too close to the edge"--as my five year old told me, and again cleaning up spilled juice because he wanted to do it himself? I just know I am not the only one having days filled with ample amount of timeouts (sometimes more needed for me than the children) and having picked up toys that were spewed all over the living room floor for the 13th time in what seemed like only an hour.

I told Ryen to stop jumping from couch to couch at least 10 times one day, and then he hit his head and started crying. It may sound bad, but I almost couldn't feel bad for him because if he just would have listened the first time (and there goes my mother coming out of my mouth) then he would not have gotten hurt. But, then I'm reminded of something-- I remember my mother telling me multiple times not to do something over and over again, and I just wouldn't listen. Maybe it's true when they say we just have to learn for ourselves?

So, there may be days where I'm constantly doing dishes, and picking up clothes and dirty underwear--because they just couldn't make it to the laundry basket for some odd reason, and saying "no" "please don't hit your bother" "just listen the first time" "because I said so" + "get that out of your nose/mouth" more times than I would like to admit. But, as much as I ask myself if I am the only mother going through this, I know that I'm not. Somewhere out there is another mom stomping to her room and shutting the door behind her, just so she can collect herself and maybe even scream into the pillow on her bed, because she doesn't want to loose her patients. There is always another mom working non stop to keep up with her day-to-day life, making sure everyone is happy. I am not the only one. As much frustration as some days can bring, I know that just like me, there are other mothers so filled with joy and happiness because of the love their children bring them. If you are the mom who thinks you are failing, you're not! All the good days, and the adventure of being a mom, make up for the sometimes crappy days-- and that's more than I could ever ask for.

Life is this brilliant thing filled with so much chaos, mistakes, and ups and downs. But, it's also filled with a lot of love, happiness, and adventure, and I refuse to dwell on the frustrating days. Rather, I want to stop and take a deep breath and remind myself that tomorrow is a new day. And because today is Saturday, and I love Saturdays.

So, here's to you moms. The ones who make mistakes, and think they've failed. The ones who love their kids more than anything this world could bring. All of you, are doing it right. Don't forget to give yourself some credit.

St. Augustine has become one of Matt + I's favorite places to travel to. We went just as a couple last year, and stayed at an intriguing bed and breakfast in Old Town. So this year, we decided to take a day trip as a family, exploring with our boys. We went to Castillo de San Marcos (the fort) to watch the canons blast. Ryen got to see all the old tools they used in medicine and crawl through to the powder room. We walked for a couple hours through the shops, and took the kids to the chocolate shop, where Ryen received what he called, "the best ice cream ever" at. There was also a lady doing some beautiful painting on the street, and there was an old man sitting on the street making music with his cool dog wearing sunglasses. Regretting I didn't go back for a cool picture. We stopped at Mojo's, or what I would call the BEST place on earth, or heaven in your mouth, BBQ. We walked along the water, saw some beautiful boats and pirate ships, horse drawn carriages, and did a lot of people watching. The best part about this day, was being able to experience history with my three favorite guys. I am one lucky lady.

Do you ever feel like you just get so caught up with the ways of life that you forget to take a step back? I forget to take it all in, to slow down and be in the moment. Life goes so fast, I feel like I'm tripping over it sometimes, and I think my kids start to notice. So, last night I decided some one-on-one time was well overdue with my oldest son.

One day after school he was being pouty and testy with me. When I asked him what his deal was, he mentioned how he basically thinks it's crummy that while he goes to school all day Silas gets to be with me and play. There it was, the first "I'm jealous" from my five year old kid. Sure, those weren't his exact words, but he didn't even have to say it. So as I lay in bed with my husband that night, I started doing that thing I do every so often. That thing, and those words saying what a bad mom I am. Feeling guilty for not spending enough time with my first born. The one who made me who I am and gave me the most important job. A mother. The one my whole world revolved around for 3 years before his baby brother joined us in the world.

Before Silas was born, I thought about this. I wondered if a time would come where Ryen would feel jealous of the fact that he was no longer receiving all the attention. But, to be honest, it doesn't really happen much. Ryen, loves being a big brother. He has two little brothers he loves so very much and he's always been a big helper. After Silas was born I promised that every so often I would have "date nights" with Ryen. We would do whatever he wanted, and my phone would stay in my purse.

Ryen does a lot with Matt. They will wake up early and go to the skate park, get breakfast, or go exploring. But, it isn't often enough that I get time with Ryen alone. Since this week was spring break, I decided it would be a great opportunity to take a night for just us. We went to the bowling alley and played a bunch of arcade games. I can't remember the last time I played in an arcade, and after last night I think I will do it more often. We won 165 tickets, so Ry was able to get a couple small prizes at the desk. We had pizza, big salted pretzels with cheese, and root beer. While we sat and ate, waiting for our name to be called for a bowling lane, we enjoyed watching some older kids play pool. He waited patiently in line with me so we could get our bowling shoes and didn't complain once. I had to make sure it was actually my kid standing next to me.

We got our shoes on and started our game of bowling. This was the first time I had taken him to bowl since his 3rd birthday, and boy did we have a blast! He kicked my butt! During one of his turns, I just sat down deciding to take it all in. I found myself thinking, how did I get here? How is it that this kid who used to kick inside my belly, is already a boy? Where the heck did all the time go? How did I let it get away from me? It's like I blinked and, BAM! Before I knew it life happened. This boy who I couldn't understand half the things he would say to me just a couple years ago, is now having full conversations with me. He has personality, an amazing one at that. When he wouldn't get all the pins down, instead of pitching a fit or throwing a tantrum, he would laugh about it and say something along the lines of "darn" and shrug it off.

This one night of fun and laughter made up for all the eye rolls, stomps down the hallways, and slamming of the bedroom door because he's mad that I asked him to go to his room for picking on his brother and making him cry. This morning as he is back to rolling his eyes at me, and tormenting his brother for the sake of laughing, I'm deciding to take it all in instead of getting impatient. Last night reminded me of why I love being a mom so much. That even though we have some bad days, even between the fits and rages of not wanting to brush teeth and go to bed on time, even between the not listening and bad attitudes, at the end of every day my kids hug me tight and tell me they love me. It isn't that I ever don't love being a mom, it's that sometimes being a parent is taken over by just that, being a parent. I think we forget to have fun and just breath, because we are so focused on teaching right from wrong, instilling discipline, and providing. I, personally, can get so caught up in all the to-do's of the day, that I forget to just put some things on hold and just have an adventure with my kids.

We all need a reminder to slow down. I still can't believe that I'm a 23 year old mom and wife, I sometimes have to pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming. I find myself just staring at my kids and wishing that time would stand still. But because it won't, I will choose to live more in the moments. Today, the dishes can wait. There are popsicles in the freezer and the sun is out, I'll decide to play instead.

It seems like just yesterday I was in the hospital about to give birth to you, and I just can't believe it's been two years! Before you were born, I would lay awake in bed at night worried that I wouldn't have enough love for two children. I already loved your brother more than I've loved anything or anyone else, how was it possible to love anymore? The second I laid eyes on you, my worry was dissolved in an instant. My heart has been busting at the seams with love and joy, and Silas, you have made this world a much happier place.

Your dad and I have loved every minute of being your parents, and you have completed our family. You are sweet, silly, and charismatic. Although mostly mellow, you bring out a sense of wild and adventure with every day. You are becoming such a smart little boy, and you are a joyful spirit in every ones lives. You are papas boy, and every time we tell you we are "going to papas" your little face lights up and you can't get out the door fast enough. You love your brother Ryen more than anything else, watching every move he makes, trying to be just like him. You are a spitting image of your daddy, and have him wrapped around all ten of your sweet fingers.

You are a typical boy and love anything that has wheels. Trucks, trains, planes, and cars are a must have in this house and everywhere we go! Your rebellious side is slowly coming out as I cringe every time you attempt jumping off of the couch. You love to be outside and could care less if it's raining, freezing, or 100 degrees. You have lots of teeth and enjoy showing them off with your cheesy smiles. Your blanky hasn't left your side since the day you were born, and even shortly after it earned a significant smell that reminds me of you. You cry every time I have to wash it.

I can't believe how much has changed in just these two years. You've grown so fast and so big! Being your mom has made my heart so full, and I just love the way you love me. I love the way you put your little hands on my face to give me kisses. I love the way it feels when you wrap your arms around my neck to give me a "squeeze". And boy, oh boy, do I LOVE to hear you say "I love you"! Those are the best words I've ever heard out of you and your brothers mouth and it reminds me just how amazing being both your moms truly is.

A part of me wishes I could stop time right on its tracks, because I'm just not ready for you to grow up. But, the other part of me makes me so proud watching you learn so much and grow into this precious little boy, full of love and life! This world can be such a scary and cruel place, but some how you managed to make it beautiful and fun. I could never express to you just how much I love you, but I pray so hard everyday that you know it! Thank you for being the missing piece to the puzzle. Thank you for being so loving and so sweet. Thank you for bringing so much joy to your me and your fathers life. Thank you for being YOU! Happy second birthday baby boy! I hope you always stay kind and unique, with a heart full of love.