Daily Hankes Mischief

How far along? 14 weeks

Starting weight: 110lbs
Weight now: 106lbs
Total weight gain: -4lbs

Last ultrasound: 9 weeks. Heartrate of 162bpm.

How far along? 10 weeks 3 days

Baby Stats: Baby is the size of a prune (or kumquat) 1.2 inches long and about .14oz.

Total weight gain: last appointment I actually lost 4lbs. So we will check back in on this at 11 weeks!

Maternity clothes? Not yet, but I'll be there shortly. My regular jeans are a little snug at the top so I've been wearing my belly band with those. Mainly been living in leggings these days though.

Stretch marks? No new ones from my previous babes.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I'm pretty much nauseous from the minute I wake up to the minute I drift off in the evenings. I pretty much throw up as soon as I get out of the car in the evenings. I didn't know car sickness was a real thing until now. Also, chicken is a big NO! I can't even talk about it, so moving on.

Sleep: Pretty much all I want to do these days! I feel bad for my sweet hubby who has to deal with me falling asleep on him during movies, and I'm almost always the first to pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow. If you're reading this Matthew, I promise it won't last forever!

Food cravings: I feel like I have a new craving every other day! Tortilla chips with shredded cheese and sour cream, baked potato. The weirdest one yet was me sending Matt to the store to get me spaghettios and a bag of blow pops.

Symptoms: morning sickness has turned into all day sickness. Slight heartburn. The girls are sore and uncomfortable. Vivid dreams. Breaking out on face and upper back. Extreme tiredness. Have to pee often. Oh the joys of first trimester craziness.

Best moment this week:  Nothing pregnancy related, but our oldest Ryen started T-ball practices Tuesday and Wednesday and we are proud to say he loves it! Looking forward to his upcoming games.

Miss Anything? I miss feeling like a human being. Not feeling like I have to throw up all day, and I miss loving on my hubby.

Movement: Nope! We will get to this next trimester!

Gender: We are going green! So excited to be surprised on birth day!

Labor Signs: We will get to this question around 36 weeks.

Belly Button in or out? In the middle. That sucker will be a turkey timer in the coming weeks. It never had a chance with my other two pregnancies and I doubt it will this time around.

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or Moody most of the time: oh boy. Well it really just depends. For the first couple of weeks I was more emotional than anything. Crying about everything with very little patience. This week seems to be a bit better, having only cried once after I hung my head in the toilet. I believe my words to my husband were, "I just want to feel normal again".

Looking forward to: Not being sick! I am so SO over this continual nausea and not knowing when I'll need to throw up next. I'm also looking forward to having some energy back, feeling gummy bear move, and growing a belly. This will most likely be my last pregnancy, and although lately it's been really hard, I honestly want to cherish every bit of these next 29 weeks. So as soon as I'm not hugging the toilet at least twice a day, I plan to soak in every bit of this pregnancy. I mean, I am growing a human being with my own body, and that is pretty dang awesome!

It is the first day of June, and today was one of those "everyone decided they were going to grow up on me" days. And I'm not even exaggerating-- literally both of my children reached another milestone! First and foremost, Ryen graduated kindergarten with flying colors and an excellent report card. I just keep asking myself, "can this really be happening? Is this day really here?" I swear life seems to slip right through my hands sometimes. How on earth have I been a mother for almost 6 years, when I feel like my baby, who is now a first grader, was a chunky little newborn making gaga eyes at me just yesterday? I was able to go to his class this morning, where his baby brother and I watched him receive an award for having the brightest ideas in his class. I watched and listened as his teacher read the children their very last book of the school year, and I'm almost certain it was probably the quietest her group of "kids" had been all year. Almost as if they knew, summer will be fun, but their first teacher will be missed and one to remember! I also got a great idea from a dear, sweet friend of mine to fill up a couple balloons and get ribbon to decorate the backseat of my car with, as a nice fun surprise for Ryen to jump into after finishing his last day.

As for my other wild boy, at two and a half years of life he has finally discovered his legs are long enough to climb out of the crib with. His dad and I thought maybe it was a one time thing, but after putting him down for a nap this afternoon and him following not too far behind me as I left the room on THREE different occasions, I knew it was time. The transition has started for naps so far, because for some reason it only seems to be during daytime nap times, and not at bedtime. After a few attempts, he got the hint and stayed in the big boy bed by himself quietly, and within five minutes, passed out. Hoping tomorrow is just as easy.

My husband and I found this day to be so joyous, mixed with many emotions-- mainly for me because, as much as I enjoy my children growing and learning and becoming such amazing human beings, I just cannot stand how fast time seems to go. And every year I swear it just goes faster. I know how much I am going to miss all of this. I know the days will come all too soon, when I will be saying, "remember when our kids were in kindergarten" and it kind of saddens my soul. I want the time to slow down for just a moment, but because I know it won't, I am learning to live in the moments, hug my kids tighter, stop looking down and look up. Be more present with them, more patient, and love them more and more.

I want to grow old knowing I am the reason they grew into beautiful, sweet souls. I want them to always know that their father and I have more love for them than they will ever, EVER know! I will always pray that my kids remain original, and grow up making the right choices, being eager to learn and grow in the Lord. And that they will never forget how proud we are of them. Here's to another year, more milestones, and much more growing together as a family.

Now if I could only raise my cat up in the right ways, so that he would quit pushing every object off of my kitchen counters, bathroom sink, and bedroom dresser, I think I could have this parenting thing down pat.

Do you ever feel like you just get so caught up with the ways of life that you forget to take a step back? I forget to take it all in, to slow down and be in the moment. Life goes so fast, I feel like I'm tripping over it sometimes, and I think my kids start to notice. So, last night I decided some one-on-one time was well overdue with my oldest son.

One day after school he was being pouty and testy with me. When I asked him what his deal was, he mentioned how he basically thinks it's crummy that while he goes to school all day Silas gets to be with me and play. There it was, the first "I'm jealous" from my five year old kid. Sure, those weren't his exact words, but he didn't even have to say it. So as I lay in bed with my husband that night, I started doing that thing I do every so often. That thing, and those words saying what a bad mom I am. Feeling guilty for not spending enough time with my first born. The one who made me who I am and gave me the most important job. A mother. The one my whole world revolved around for 3 years before his baby brother joined us in the world.

Before Silas was born, I thought about this. I wondered if a time would come where Ryen would feel jealous of the fact that he was no longer receiving all the attention. But, to be honest, it doesn't really happen much. Ryen, loves being a big brother. He has two little brothers he loves so very much and he's always been a big helper. After Silas was born I promised that every so often I would have "date nights" with Ryen. We would do whatever he wanted, and my phone would stay in my purse.

Ryen does a lot with Matt. They will wake up early and go to the skate park, get breakfast, or go exploring. But, it isn't often enough that I get time with Ryen alone. Since this week was spring break, I decided it would be a great opportunity to take a night for just us. We went to the bowling alley and played a bunch of arcade games. I can't remember the last time I played in an arcade, and after last night I think I will do it more often. We won 165 tickets, so Ry was able to get a couple small prizes at the desk. We had pizza, big salted pretzels with cheese, and root beer. While we sat and ate, waiting for our name to be called for a bowling lane, we enjoyed watching some older kids play pool. He waited patiently in line with me so we could get our bowling shoes and didn't complain once. I had to make sure it was actually my kid standing next to me.

We got our shoes on and started our game of bowling. This was the first time I had taken him to bowl since his 3rd birthday, and boy did we have a blast! He kicked my butt! During one of his turns, I just sat down deciding to take it all in. I found myself thinking, how did I get here? How is it that this kid who used to kick inside my belly, is already a boy? Where the heck did all the time go? How did I let it get away from me? It's like I blinked and, BAM! Before I knew it life happened. This boy who I couldn't understand half the things he would say to me just a couple years ago, is now having full conversations with me. He has personality, an amazing one at that. When he wouldn't get all the pins down, instead of pitching a fit or throwing a tantrum, he would laugh about it and say something along the lines of "darn" and shrug it off.

This one night of fun and laughter made up for all the eye rolls, stomps down the hallways, and slamming of the bedroom door because he's mad that I asked him to go to his room for picking on his brother and making him cry. This morning as he is back to rolling his eyes at me, and tormenting his brother for the sake of laughing, I'm deciding to take it all in instead of getting impatient. Last night reminded me of why I love being a mom so much. That even though we have some bad days, even between the fits and rages of not wanting to brush teeth and go to bed on time, even between the not listening and bad attitudes, at the end of every day my kids hug me tight and tell me they love me. It isn't that I ever don't love being a mom, it's that sometimes being a parent is taken over by just that, being a parent. I think we forget to have fun and just breath, because we are so focused on teaching right from wrong, instilling discipline, and providing. I, personally, can get so caught up in all the to-do's of the day, that I forget to just put some things on hold and just have an adventure with my kids.

We all need a reminder to slow down. I still can't believe that I'm a 23 year old mom and wife, I sometimes have to pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming. I find myself just staring at my kids and wishing that time would stand still. But because it won't, I will choose to live more in the moments. Today, the dishes can wait. There are popsicles in the freezer and the sun is out, I'll decide to play instead.