Whoa! It's been a long time! "Glad to see your face, I knew we'd meet again another time"... HA, a little Jodi for you - really hope I'm not the only person here that knows that song. Any who, it really has been a long time! Almost a year since I've posted a blog, in fact, and at that time I was still really pregnant. So I figured the best way to jump back in to things, is to let you all know how the whole birth went for me! I mean, it's been 7 months, so I probably won't realize I skipped over details until I come back and read this. But, I guess I'll be the only one who knows that. And maybe the 20 other people who just so happened to be in the room with me (it was a packed house in there!)
Let me first add, that this pregnancy (number 3 to be exact) was probably the. Worst. Ever! Sure, the process was beautiful- painful, but beautiful. I mean, I created another human being inside my own body. That IS pretty incredible. But, the time leading up to seeing the miracle God was about to bless us with, was not fun. There's the morning sickness I was graced with until well into the second trimester, and even then it would creep up every now and again until, well, I had him basically. The heartburn. Oh the heartburn. My belly stretched so tight that the skin above my belly button started to rip. No, I'm not exaggerating. I swelled up like an Umpa Lumpa. This baby was THE MOST active thing I could ever imagine. He never stopped moving, and at times it felt like he was trying to escape through my belly. But mostly, the way my bones literally felt as though they were breaking. I discovered around 32-ish weeks that I had symphysis pubis dysfunction, and it was not pretty y'all. It hurt to walk. It hurt to sleep. It hurt to sit. I was so ready to have this baby!! I was 3-4cm for like three weeks, went into false (but felt for real) labor after a membrane sweep, and by my 38 week appointment I really just couldn't handle it anymore. I know, I know. You all are thinking about what a huge baby I am, but I promise you this was not the case. The majority of my pregnancy I swore I would stay pregnant until babe was ready to make his grand entrance. I had to be induced with my first and intended on it never happening again. But, when I still hadn't progressed and I was seriously miserable from pain in the Netherlands, it was time to get this baby out. So I scheduled my induction for August 23rd, and prayed I would go into labor on my own beforehand. I pretty much thought I would since I had already been in pre labor for what seemed like forever, and my belly was lower than Lil Jon, but this baby proved me all but right.
We got to the hospital at about 8am and we got started on things right away. I was still 4cm, but they went ahead and broke my water in hopes that would move things along quickly, because that's all it took with Silas, and had me walk the halls for a little while before deciding if I needed any Pitocin. I had a big idea on how I wanted my birth plan to go- God always laughs when I plan anything, I'm sure. Since being induced was NOT part of the plan, I really wanted to try and stick to everything else, one of those plans being no Pitocin. But, after walking forever and being checked to find I hadn't budged, the best decision was to start on a very low dose of Pit and go from there. I bounced on the ball, I rocked back and forth trying to get that baby down, I did squats, the contractions were consistent and uncomfortable, but still the dilatation was slow. Every so often the nurse upped the dose. It probably wasn't until about 1:30/2pm when I started having to breathe and focus more through the contractions. I wanted to labor out of the bed as much as possible, because I felt that helped me control the pain a bit more. Probably around 3:30pm I had gotten checked and was at about 6cm, consistent contractions, but still controlled pain. So we upped the Pit again and I got out of bed and to the rocking chair for a bit. I had more family members in the room than I could probably count on two hands, just hanging out and there to be supportive and keep me laughing. But, it was like a switch went off and all of a sudden the pain hit me like a freaking mack truck! It had only been a few minutes since I got checked, but I knew this pain. This was the, "hey mom I'm coming out right now" kind of pain. It was the, "I told my husband I WILL NOT get an epidural even though I will ask for one at this point" kind of pain. My contractions were no longer coming and going consistently, it just stayed the same. I had the doctor (the MOST wonderful doctor I could have asked for) come back in because I knew. It didn't matter that she just checked me a few minutes ago, I was positive that baby was there and ready to come. It took every ounce of my strength to bare through the pain and get out of the chair, because just moving it felt like I was being run over by a train. I had no idea that this wasn't even going to be the worst of it. When I finally got up and on to the bed I was begging for the epidural. I knew in my heart I didn't want it, that God made me to get through this. He designed our bodies to bring children into the world, and I would not die due to the pain even though it felt like I would die at any moment. But, the pain was so unbearable- so excruciating, I felt like I couldn't breathe. It didn't matter. I was already passed an 8, and it was too late. So I held onto my twin sister, probably about to break every bone in her tiny hand, and I focused on her. If you have a twin and you are reading this, you know how important it was that I had her there. I have never needed to speak a word to her without her already knowing what I need, and this time was no different. I was at over a 9, not quite a 10, but the pain was so incredibly bad that the only thing I wanted to do was push. All of a sudden there were like 20 people in the room, most of them being my family, when my doctor asked me to try and push so I could get to the point of getting this baby out. I never pushed so hard as I did with this baby. Probably because I never knew a pain like this. I'm not certain, but I almost wonder if it's the closest thing to the pain Jesus felt on the cross. He bore that pain to give us new life, and here I am baring this pain to bring new life. I know, it most certainly shouldn't be comparable, because well, it isn't. But in the end I would be overjoyed knowing that my pain was resulting in something so beautiful and extravagant.
I swear to you only about 10 minutes had passed between the time I got on that bed and the time he arrived, but boy did it feel more like a lifetime. I cannot stress to you enough, this was by far the worst labor and delivery (pain-wise) I had gone through out of all three. But, it is probably the one I am most proud of myself for. For a minute, he struggled to come out. And it was because he decided the perfect place for his hands to be were up on his cheeks. Imagine the yellow Emoji with the big eyes- that's what my doctors face looked like. I had my sister-in-law move the giant stand up mirror in front of the bed so I could see the progression I was making in hopes it would motivate me to push through the pain. I told my doctor a billion times I couldn't do it, and her response was that I COULD. I mean, people do this everyday. Have a baby and all. Her soft, kind, encouraging words helped me to get that mindset that if I just pushed through that miserable pain, I would have a baby in my arms and it would be worth it. And you guys, it was worth it. Every ounce of tears and pain brought me this tiny little baby that would fill the whole in my heart I had no idea was even there, the second I saw his face.
"I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me was playing on the radio in the background when Porter arrived, and I can't think of a more perfect song to be born to. I believe that bringing a new life into this world, and seeing their face for the first time, is as close the feeling I will have when I see my saviors face for the first time. That undying love Jesus has for each and every one of us, is almost like the unconditional, unexplainable love we have the second we meet our child for the very first time! It is so incredible. How you can love someone so much having just met them. This baby wasn't planned for us. We thought we were done after Silas, and so when we found out we were pregnant it was honestly tough for us to swallow. We were scared, and frustrated. We couldn't understand what God's plan was or how we would survive with three kids. I know you kids with like 4+ kids just snickered big time at me. But, we did it, and we couldn't imagine our life without him. I know how cliche that sounds, but it's so true. There is something so special about each of our children, but I keep telling Matt there's just something about this one. It was just meant to be that he was apart of our family. 7 pounds 13 ounces and 19 inches long of pure perfection!
It was a bit tough at first, I started to think this was going to be our first hard baby. Ryen and Silas were so easy. Aside from that 2 weeks of colic Sly had- Oh goodness. I would trade what we went through with Porter for only 2 weeks of colic in a heartbeat. Apparently there's this horrendous thing called the "witching hour" and we were the chosen parents to be gifted that. I am uncertain why it's called an "hour" when it lasts up to THREE months! I kid you not, people. For three months, at the same time every night he would start fussing and the only thing to keep him happy was Matt or I holding him and walking around. We couldn't sit or rock in the chair. He had to be walked around for hours at a time. Do you have any idea what it's like to walk around or stand up straight when you are on the verge of death from complete and utter exhaustion? I thought it would never end. But, it did. And it turns out we have one of the happiest babies I have ever seen. God truly had a blessing in disguise for us.
I will attach photos taken during labor, after, some from the hospital with brothers, when we first came home, and his first through six month update pictures. Hopefully soon I can get up some update blogs like postpartum, life after birth, adjusting to 3 children, etc. Please, if there are things you want to know, ask me! Maybe I can get up a Q&A if I have enough questions ;). As always, thanks for reading and following along with our life!
Real life y'all. Giant belly with stretch marks and skin ripping. Swollen feet.
