Do you ever feel like you just get so caught up with the ways of life that you forget to take a step back? I forget to take it all in, to slow down and be in the moment. Life goes so fast, I feel like I'm tripping over it sometimes, and I think my kids start to notice. So, last night I decided some one-on-one time was well overdue with my oldest son.

One day after school he was being pouty and testy with me. When I asked him what his deal was, he mentioned how he basically thinks it's crummy that while he goes to school all day Silas gets to be with me and play. There it was, the first "I'm jealous" from my five year old kid. Sure, those weren't his exact words, but he didn't even have to say it. So as I lay in bed with my husband that night, I started doing that thing I do every so often. That thing, and those words saying what a bad mom I am. Feeling guilty for not spending enough time with my first born. The one who made me who I am and gave me the most important job. A mother. The one my whole world revolved around for 3 years before his baby brother joined us in the world.

Before Silas was born, I thought about this. I wondered if a time would come where Ryen would feel jealous of the fact that he was no longer receiving all the attention. But, to be honest, it doesn't really happen much. Ryen, loves being a big brother. He has two little brothers he loves so very much and he's always been a big helper. After Silas was born I promised that every so often I would have "date nights" with Ryen. We would do whatever he wanted, and my phone would stay in my purse.

Ryen does a lot with Matt. They will wake up early and go to the skate park, get breakfast, or go exploring. But, it isn't often enough that I get time with Ryen alone. Since this week was spring break, I decided it would be a great opportunity to take a night for just us. We went to the bowling alley and played a bunch of arcade games. I can't remember the last time I played in an arcade, and after last night I think I will do it more often. We won 165 tickets, so Ry was able to get a couple small prizes at the desk. We had pizza, big salted pretzels with cheese, and root beer. While we sat and ate, waiting for our name to be called for a bowling lane, we enjoyed watching some older kids play pool. He waited patiently in line with me so we could get our bowling shoes and didn't complain once. I had to make sure it was actually my kid standing next to me.

We got our shoes on and started our game of bowling. This was the first time I had taken him to bowl since his 3rd birthday, and boy did we have a blast! He kicked my butt! During one of his turns, I just sat down deciding to take it all in. I found myself thinking, how did I get here? How is it that this kid who used to kick inside my belly, is already a boy? Where the heck did all the time go? How did I let it get away from me? It's like I blinked and, BAM! Before I knew it life happened. This boy who I couldn't understand half the things he would say to me just a couple years ago, is now having full conversations with me. He has personality, an amazing one at that. When he wouldn't get all the pins down, instead of pitching a fit or throwing a tantrum, he would laugh about it and say something along the lines of "darn" and shrug it off.

This one night of fun and laughter made up for all the eye rolls, stomps down the hallways, and slamming of the bedroom door because he's mad that I asked him to go to his room for picking on his brother and making him cry. This morning as he is back to rolling his eyes at me, and tormenting his brother for the sake of laughing, I'm deciding to take it all in instead of getting impatient. Last night reminded me of why I love being a mom so much. That even though we have some bad days, even between the fits and rages of not wanting to brush teeth and go to bed on time, even between the not listening and bad attitudes, at the end of every day my kids hug me tight and tell me they love me. It isn't that I ever don't love being a mom, it's that sometimes being a parent is taken over by just that, being a parent. I think we forget to have fun and just breath, because we are so focused on teaching right from wrong, instilling discipline, and providing. I, personally, can get so caught up in all the to-do's of the day, that I forget to just put some things on hold and just have an adventure with my kids.

We all need a reminder to slow down. I still can't believe that I'm a 23 year old mom and wife, I sometimes have to pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming. I find myself just staring at my kids and wishing that time would stand still. But because it won't, I will choose to live more in the moments. Today, the dishes can wait. There are popsicles in the freezer and the sun is out, I'll decide to play instead.